No Matter the Wreckage

Life happens. Sometimes we get so caught up by the craziness of life that we don't stop when stressful things happen. Maybe we find out some bad news about a dear friend, or something doesn't necessarily go the way we want it to. But instead of getting down, or even having the time to get down, we just push through, just keep going and don't even take the time to correctly grieve about some kind of bad thing that happened. Now how healthy can that possibly be? Not very. God may put these trials in our lives but He wants us to trust Him, completely, without question, that He is going to bring us through it. I know that for me, personally, that is extremely difficult. And I know that it should be really easy because God is absolutely amazing and has given me wonderful things in my life and always takes care of me even when I do not necessarily see it at first. So why isn't it simple to just drop all worries and cares and trust that God has got us in His hands? Because let me tell you, He does, and He is not gonna drop any of us. So don't be a crazy person and jump ship. He cares for all of us and He wants all of us to spend eternity with Him in heaven, but there are those who reject Christ and what He has done for us. I'm telling you, stay on the ship and trust that God is going to hold you up, no matter what comes your way.

No matter the wreckage.

I know it is easy to think “why would God even care, I am just one of the 6 billion people on this planet.” “There are people with far worse problems than me, God is surely helping them and I am not even a blimp on His radar.” Yeah, His radar is pretty massive, and we are all blimps. He cares for us all. He's there when we are sad, when we are angry, when we are grieving, when we are happy, and when we just do not even know what to feel or what to do. It may not always feel like it, but He is always there with us, every step of the way. When Life seems to be getting you down, seems to not be going your way, or just seems absolutely crazy, He's walking right beside you. He took all of your sin on the cross and suffered so that we could be free from it. And then He did the impossible and rose from the dead, defeating death and the grave. So, this worry you are going through right now, be it big or small, I am positive He can handle that too. 

No matter the wreckage.

Don't just trust me on that, trust Him. Even if it is only in the long run sometimes, you will not be disappointed. He has got a plan for your life and you just gotta ride the waves to the shore line. It may get a little choppy at times but He is right by your side, holding your hand every step of the way. I know what it feels like to think that God has completely left you in the dust, that you are on your own and your life seems to have no purpose but believe me, it does. Everyone is here because God has a specific role for you. You may think it small but it is the greatest thing to God. Change one life and you could change millions. Every life you touch makes a difference, whether you actively see it or not. It could be that random person you talked to on the airplane, or the person in front of you in line at the grocery store. It could be a sister, a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone you love, or did love at a time. I believe that God puts people in your life for a reason. Either you are going to make a difference in that person's life, or vise versa. But I can tell you that someone's perspective on life is going to be changed. Find joy in knowing that, no matter the wreckage you may feel is there, even if you feel like everything is going wrong and things do not seem like they are going to turn around at all, God has you in his hands. He's got the whole world in His hands! Do yourself a favor, trust Him and stay on this ship we call life. We have got a pretty phenomenal captain!

Note: "No Matter the Wreckage" is a book of poems by Sarah Kay. If you ever have the chance to pick it up, it is a great read!

The Optimistic Pessimist

Writer's note:I know it has been a while since I have written. If you are a veteran reader then first of all I am glad you are still reading, but also, you know how my posts go, so nothing new there. If you are new then, welcome, make yourself comfortable and beware that my writing can be a tad scatter brained at times, but it has a point, I promise. You just have to get to the end! Enjoy--

I have recently started a job with a florist, and therefore obviously work with a lot of flowers, particularly roses on certain days. And as some of us know, my brain likes to analyze and compare things a lot. After being stabbed with one or two thorns I came up with this sort of irony, I guess you could call it, with one of my favorite Disney stories “Beauty and the Beast”. The beast has a mask of harshness and gives off fear simply by his looks, but as Belle finds out, if you take the time to get past all of that and get to know the actual person underneath, they usually turn out to be a caring, loving person. Showing that you can't judge a book by it's cover. That saying always seems to be used in negative to positive situations- i.e. You can't judge something because it looks scary, typically it is actually not scary at all once you get past the surface. But with roses, it is almost the exact opposite. It is something that, from the outside, looks pure and beautiful, it is given to show affection, it is given to show care and love. Now typically roses from a store are prepared for someone to touch, but if you were to just grab one from a pile or growing somewhere you would find that its welcoming nature, its beauty, is a bit deceiving because the moment you reach for it, you will get stuck with a thorn. They come in the most unexpected places. Point being, a lot of things are like roses in that they could look great from the outside but you may want to be cautious when approaching them because, again, you can't judge a book by its cover. What I find ironic is how the rose is used as the timer for the beast. This beautiful object that looks so welcoming, even Belle gets very close to touching it, is the thing that, once all the petals fall, will bring about the beast's demise and he will be stuck in his state of deception just as the rose is. Things are deceiving, the devil loves to play tricks on us and see us get hurt, and see us hurt other people. You can never be too careful.

I had a conversation similar to this topic with a good friend a couple of weeks ago. I argued that things that seem really cool and great, tend to have at least one thing about them that disappoint you. Now, I was being, as my friend said, “fatalistic and pessimistic” and they are probably right. But it has been my experience in the past few years that anything that seems pretty fantastic or just really cool, will in some way let you down, and you may be able to look past it and move past that problem to continue liking said thing, but the point still stands. One thing, though, that IS super cool and fantastic is God and his love and sacrifice for us. THAT will never disappoint. So if you happen to be going through a slump like I am and you just feel like everything is going down hill, nothing is going right, and everything seems to be disappointing you left and right, just remember that God loves us so much that He sent his only son to give his life for us because of our sins so that we will be saved from eternal damnation and will get to live forever with Him in eternity. I hope that with that you will find the joy God has in store for you in life. And for that matter, I hope I do, too.

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126: 5-6

Peace With The Pieces

I finally started my internship yesterday with a crisis pregnancy center here in St. Louis. I already love it! And today we started the day with a devotion and prayer. I mean, who could ask for more?! It was fantastic! The devotion completely hit home, too. And, of course, instantly my mind started writing. And it wrote the entire 4 hours of work. So bear with me as I try to piece together everything I thought up today and tell you about the devotion and my fabulous day that ensued from it.

So, the devotion was about being at peace with where God has put you, not anxious to go backward of forward in time. "I rest in the fact that you have me in this place for this day." God has put us exactly where we are supposed to be. No matter the circumstances of how we got here or why we are here. "You knew my mistakes before I ever existed and you worked them into your plan." How awesome and almost unfathomable is that thought? God knew every single tiny little aspect of our life before we were even created, before we were even thought about in the minds of our families. God planned everything in our lives before we even had a chance to get to it. And that is at least six billion people that he did this for! It spoke about how all of the terrible things that happened to Joseph; being sold into slavery, exiled to a different country, and eventually sent to prison; were all meant for good and that he was always in the right place at the right time according to God's plan.
"Thank you that I can trust you with my future plans- ready to stay, ready to go." It really got me to thinking about how awesome it s that God is so incredibly powerful and amazing and has already planned out our entire lives, he knows what decisions we are going to make before we even have the decision in front of us. I also thought about how we should be ready, then, to go where God leads us, or stay where he puts us. He has a reason for everything that He does.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act." Psalm 37:5

 Also, how amazing it is that we have a final place with God in heaven, and we will dwell in his house forever! And even before eternity we have a place with Him because He is Omnipresent and we can always find comfort in Him.

"Where I can enter and be at rest even when all around and above is a sea of trouble." Andrew Murray

"You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance." Psalm 32:7

This all really hit home with me because I have been struggling with trusting that this is where I am supposed to be in life. Some days I feel like I should have just stayed home in Texas with my family for the summer. I felt like I did not make the right decision leaving them for the summer and I started to feel like everything was falling apart here in St. Louis. At first it had looked like everything was set in place, piece by piece God built my path here and I knew I was supposed to be here, but within a week things start to fall apart and I did not want to tell anyone because I didn't want to disappoint everyone. Boy, was the devil doing a number on me! They all seemed so proud of what I was doing. I didn't want to tell them that I wanted to cry myself to sleep every night, crying out to God "WHY?" And still, I feel like if I don't love this internship, they are going to be even more disappointed that I left them all this summer. But, I've prayed about it and I feel like this is where I am supposed to be. And after the last 2 days, and that devotion this morning, I am even more certain of the fact that I am here for a purpose, even if I don't see it yet. Sometimes when it looks like there are just a bunch of pieces around, you have to look a little harder to see that they actually fit together and make a pretty awesome picture! God is absolutely amazing, and I am finding that out more and more as I see him at work in our organization and so many others around the world. I definitely made a significant step in finding the joy in life today. I pray that you do as well. How could we not be joyful with an awesome God like we have? God bless!

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways." Romans 11:33

When All Hope Seems Lost

"And oh, oh- Well you know how it feels if you begin hoping for something that you want desperately badly; you almost fight against the hope because it is too good to be true- you've been disappointed so often before. That was how Digory felt. But it was no use trying to throttle this hope. It might- really, really, it just might be true. So many odd things had happened already." - C.S. Lewis, The Magicians Nephew

Have you ever hoped for something but mostly kept it to yourself because you know that if you push it too much or tell someone else then something will probably go wrong and it will all fall apart and you will then have to explain the situation to everyone who knows, making the possible pain worse than it was just being disappointed on your own?
Maybe it was a relationship with someone where both parties had admitted to liking the other and you had been talking for a while and you started to see something actually happening so you started to tell a few people,  but then something got in the way or the other person started to become fickle and then BOOM suddenly you are not so sure of everything, and the questions start flowing in; from other people and from yourself.

'Was this even worth it?' 'Did I waste my time?' 'Why did I hope so much for this in the first place?' 'Is there actually anyone out there for me or are all guys (or girls) like this?'

Or maybe it was a job, or an internship, or some kind of summer position that you really wanted and you felt like you were perfect for it. You had hoped for so long and prayed that God would put you in this position because you knew that you were just the right person for the job but then, you get your rejection letter. And of course the questions line up because everyone knew how much you wanted it and they ask out of courtesy but it actually seems more like a dagger to your gut to be reminded of something you thought you were a shoe in for that you didn't get.

As Lewis says, we start to fight against the hope.There will be disappointment in this life; there will be heartache that we cannot fix as easily as we want to and we will want to refuse to hope for anything anymore. It just does not seem to make sense to become so emotionally invested in something that could potentially crash and burn in front of you, (excuse the slight exaggeration to make a point). But there is no use trying to stop yourself from hoping; you're going to do it regardless, even if it results in disappointment after disappointment.

"When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start to go right they often go on getting better and better." - C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

And it seems to make it ten times worse when we tell someone else about it because we have to explain the disappointment, almost relive it because someone else knows and they are bound to ask eventually. But you know there is someone we can tell; heck, he already knows, and he also knows what is going to happen, whether it be disappointment or satisfaction. Just because something does not work out does not that we should be angry with God, or not hope in Him or anything else ever again. We have every reason in the world to hope because God sent His son to die on the cross for our sins. So, opportunities will come and go, but we should never lose hope because God loves us and has great plans for each and every one of us. If you feel like telling someone, tell God; pray about it, and trust and have hope in Him. Nothing could put more joy in your life then trusting and hoping in God and the plans He has for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you."
Jeremiah 29:11-12

Everything You're Not

We can spend all the time in the world trying to become something that God did not make us to be. Sometimes I wish that I was an impeccable artist who could express myself in everything I drew, drawing out my feelings with all of these hidden messages inside. Sometimes I wish I was a better writer, because I know that most of the time this is just my own rambling, and I could convey everything I am really thinking about a specific topic. I wish I was more brave to write about something I am passionate about and not afraid to put it out there for the whole world to see. I wish I did not care so much about how people would react to certain situations or conversations, and therefore avoided them like the plague. 

All of these "I wish"s do not do me any good, though, and I know that. But sometimes it is nice to dream that things could be different. And this makes it sound like I have a terrible home life but that is not the case at all. My home life is great and I love my family. But, being the youngest of 5 children, and having moved away from home already, I feel like being away is just what I do. I'll always be the one traveling or living in another state. But maybe that is just what God has in store for me. Maybe that is what God made me to do. I want to make a difference in this world, and maybe (ironically) Texas is too small of a place to do that. And maybe it's not. I don't know God's plan for me, but I trust that He will bless every decision I make and every home that I create, no matter how many.Because my home could be in Texas, it could be in Missouri, or it could even be in Alaska. Wherever the Lord takes me, I pray I will follow willingly because He made me for a specific cause and He is going to take me where I am needed (and hopefully wanted, too).

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

I'll Always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby

"... Cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix... Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix, but that is what the rain boots are for because rain will wash away everything, if you let it."
- Sarah Kay

So bring on the rain. I feel like it is already pouring anyway. It is only Monday and this week is already awful. And I am writing this post instead of preparing for my big presentation tomorrow because, you know what, writing is my stress relief, so we will see what comes of it.
The quote from above is from one of my favorite spoken word poets, Sarah Kay. When I was in my senior year of high school, my amazing English teacher showed us this video where Sarah talks about what she would do if she were to have a daughter. I pretty much fell in love with spoken word from that point on, even though I cannot really write it very well and I am probably way too self-conscious to ever speak it out loud. (Although, I am working up something which may come eventually) It is really hard to pick a favorite line from her poems but this one is pretty high up there. The insight that her words bring is incredible, almost empowering.

Now, the way I see this is that heartbreak may not just be ending a romantic relationship. Heartbreak can be losing a friend, old or new; losing something important to you; or, in my case, having to leave your friends. As of today, May 5th, I officially have 12 days left up here in Wisconsin. The sad part is, I can't even say it is because I am graduating and going on to the real world with a job and a future planned out (even though I know many seniors graduating who do not have any of that either). Don't get me wrong, though, I am very excited for the next adventure that God is sending me on, but leaving these people is almost worse than it was when I left my hometown. We aren't all going our separate ways yet. I'm going my own way, and no one is following suit like they should be, right? I'm leaving them all here and it feels wrong. It is hard to leave and think that I will never see some of these people, in person, again. I am scared; afraid of the unknown that I am walking into; afraid of losing these friends like I have lost some when I left home. This is a heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. But when the rain comes through, I want to be able to save the things that are important. But the storm is approaching and I am not strong enough, not prepared enough, to save all that I want. The flood is coming through and I am going to lose a thing or 2, or 20...
Sounds pathetic, doesn't it? Why am I so concerned with this? It is an earthly thing and of course I will see these friends again, in paradise. So why does this all seem so important at the moment? Because I'm a moody, fickle girl? Yes, that may have something to do with it. Another part could be that I have completely forgotten to put my trust in God. I've been "too busy", "too stressed". Is that not the perfect time to call out to God? It is easy for us to forget, but God is ALWAYS there, listening, and helping even when we think He has abandoned us or forgotten us; He has not. So for all of you with doubts, afraid to admit that you are scared, or too busy to stop and ask God for help or just pray for peace, know that you are in my prayers, and in the prayers of those who love you. Know that God is there, always, and He is listening, even if you do not think you are talking. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Find the joy in that, and go through this week with a brighter, better view of the future.


"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Love has been on my mind a lot lately, not because I am IN love or anything but just because I am 20 years old and according to society, you know, I should probably start thinking about getting married. Not to mention everyone and their mom (literally, that's not just an expression) has been trying to set me and this guy up for a couple of weeks now. And I would be fine with the match, if everyone would just mind butting out of the situation. We are both adults and we both need to be ready for a relationship. We can handle it ourselves. And by that I mean, God knows what is going to happen with us, and He will make it happen if it is meant to be. He is in control.

Patience. Patience is the hardest thing right now because of all the change coming up. I am flipping my life completely around, transferring school and having an internship in a different state this summer. Now that I have made all of these decisions I just want to get to the new parts of my life. But I have to remember that God knows what he is doing and there are things for me to still do before I get to the new parts. He has a reason for everything that He does, and I often forget that that is the case. I find myself complaining and looking for a way out more often than I should.

"Teach us, O Lord, the disciplines of patience, for to wait is often harder than to work." - Peter Marshall

Have patience for love, have patience for God's plans to be revealed, have patience for the best to work out because God will make good out of every situation. Trials, tribulations, yes we will have them, but pray and trust that God will work it out as He always does.Through Patience you will find the joy in life.
Also, as just a side note, keep out of other peoples lives, they can handle it or they will come to you.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Post Scriptum

This is just a little piece of satire I wrote a while ago and I felt like putting it out there. Mostly due to my recent letter writing to old friends. Enjoy, or don't. :)

Dear PS,

We have a love/ hate relationship, you and I. I think we drive each other insane, honestly. I use you, but you are always just floating there in the back of my mind. I know that I can use you if I forget anything. You are always there for me, but you do not always want to be used. After all, I pull you out of your life, away from your friends and family, Just so you can carry my secrets away. Of course, that is the only place I would leave them, in your capable hands. But sometimes, I hate that you are there. You are always a way out; a way to fix, or attempt to fix, whatever I just did. I do not need, or always want, a safety net; something there to pull me out of whatever mess I have gotten myself into. Sometimes, I try not to think of you, so that I can take the consequences of my actions by myself, on my own. So I guess that is all I wanted to say. But hey, PS, even though it sounds like I really dislike you, deep down, I will always love you.

Love,
Kara

Please take the Time to Locate the Exit Nearest You

People are strange. If we know that there is a simple way out, we tend to inch our way toward it more and more when the going gets tough. Especially when we know that the easier thing may be just to quit.
My boyfriend and I disagree on something, time to break up.
This job is too difficult, time to give up.
My life is too difficult, time to get out.

Relationships have issues, jobs take some learning, and life... well, life is hard. It is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. But you see, this is how we all tend to think. The thought crosses all of our minds at least once. Wouldn't it be easier to just "cop out"? Walk away? Give up?
 Contrary to the Google translation of Frozen's "Let it Go", Letting something go and giving up are not the same thing.

As I am sitting here writing this on the eve of the Resurrection of our Lord, I cannot help but think of how Jesus wanted a way out. He prayed to God for any other way to save us.
"And going a little further he fell on his face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.'" Matthew 26:39
But we know that if there was any other way, God would have chosen it. Therefore, Jesus could not and would not just give up because he did not want to do it anymore. God loves us so much that He sent his son to suffer the most brutal punishment, being beaten almost to death and then hung on a cross to die, all to save us from our sin. And then, he rose from the dead in three days! No one gave up on us, no one decided to just leave us in our sin without any hope of forgiveness.
So how can we even think about running away from a situation without even trying. Just because you know where the exits are does not mean you need to use them. Let go of things in the past or present making you second guess your decisions, but do not simply give up because things get too hard or you are afraid of what may come of it. Life is going to throw you some hard balls sometimes, but you can't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. (Thank you Babe Ruth) We should know that God is with us every step of the way. He has plans for us and He is not going to let anything harm us.
So, yes, when on an airplane make sure you take the time to locate the exit nearest you. But in regular every day life try not to take it so literally and follow what God has in store for you.


"I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Ephesians 4: 12-13

I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss... and a prince I'm hoping comes with it...

This time of year, especially, it seems that is all everyone is talking about. We hear stories, know beloved fairy tales, and listen to music that portrays love. And what is that one thing that seems to conquer everything? True love. 

True love's kiss is said to be the most powerful thing in the universe. Belle and the beast; Ariel and prince Eric; Prince charming and snow white; Aurora and Prince Philip. Or even Princess Mia's theory of the "foot popping" kiss. Now, maybe I watch too many fairy tale movies and read too many books on this sort of stuff but it seems pretty convincing. There is always someone doing something terrible, and once the protagonist and the hero find each other and share this special kiss, you just know. Magic covers the land and fixes everything. Every one is happy, just like that....

Yeah, news flash, I do not believe in magic and true love's kiss does not exist, at least not in the way it is portrayed by Hollywood and famous authors. But wouldn't it be nice if it did work like that? Then you would know, without a doubt in your mind, that this person you are with is the person God has made for you. Alas, it does not work like that. I understand that we all want to find our true love, get married, and ride off into the sunset together making everything perfect. (Although some people seem to skip that whole marriage part nowadays, but that is a whole other can of worms I will open another time). But, we search for it so much sometimes that we forget that God has a plan for our lives and He knows exactly who He has picked out for us to spend the rest of our lives with in marital bliss. It may not come easy and it may not come soon, but we have to remember that love is around us all of the time because God is love; and God's love is true. 

"Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

 God is love. He is all of those things listed in that Corinthians verse. He loves us so much that He has planned great things for our lives and they will lead us to the love we desire here on earth.
But also, every day, as you go about your relationships in your life, remember that we should not be sitting around waiting for true love to come to us like in the fairy tales, waiting for true love's kiss to come make our foot pop and send some magical spell over all of the land making everyone happy. It is just not going to happen, people. People think that they should be in love this time of year or Valentine's day will be ruined. I'm not in love. I'm still skimming the surface of what being in love even means. What if I fall in love with the wrong person? What if I think I'm in love with someone and God has a completely different person planned for me? We do not know the answers, but we just have to trust in God and His plans.
 So maybe this Valentine's day, and every day, you can help bring joy to others, and yourself, with love for your neighbor, and not focus so much on making sure everything is "perfect" just for this hallmark holiday.

"As the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."  John 15: 9-13

The Fear of Ridicule?... or The Ridicule of Fear?

You would think that after a few years of this blog, putting my words out there and my opinions, I would not be afraid of what people think anymore. Truth is, I am still completely terrified. I cannot even count how many pieces I have in my drafts that I have written and not posted because I am too afraid that they sound ridiculous, or unintelligent. Given that this is all behind a computer screen, I cannot see how people react to it, so that should make it easier, right? Wrong. I do not know what is the matter with me. When I started this blog I wanted a place where I could put my thoughts and words out there for others to see, and I would not have to explain myself individually to every person who asks. Some days, I want to be sad. Some days, I want some time to myself. And some days, I take those times and write out my feelings here. But as I stare at the black words on the white page, everything starts to sound stupid. My mind races, second guessing itself left and right. My fear builds up inside me, and before I know it I am nitpicking every little thing, but my selfish self is still not happy with the product. This "great" idea I had for a post crumbled and disintegrated before my eyes. All because my fear took over. I have become more prone to caring what other people think about my writings, my thoughts. And it is not even just with my blog. My relationships, my decisions, my judgments; all are clouded by this fear of ridicule, when really it is the ridicule that fear gives off which is the problem. I have become more meticulous with every aspects of my life, careful to note how it will make others feel, or how it will effect their view on me. Recently, I've stopped to ask myself... why should I care? People are going to have their opinion of me whether I like it or not. It may be good and it may be bad, but the only thing I can do is be myself, the best 'me' that I can be. Talking about certain issues, proclaiming my opinion, but not forcing it on anyone, is who I am. I am starting to realize that it is not so important what others think as long as I am standing to my moral and ethical grounds and proclaiming my faith. Some people just will not like me, and I have come to accept that. That is okay because the only person whose love I want and need is my heavenly Father's, and I know that He loves me because He has showed it by sending His son to die for my sin's. He has defeated sin, death, and the devil and kicks my fears right in the face, away from me. His is the only acceptance I need. And that thought right there is what gives me my joy in life, and the push to move forward and put my thoughts out there.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:18

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Why me? Why here? Why now?

Have you ever wondered why God put you in a certain place at a certain time? Have you ever stopped and just asked God "why me?" "Why here?""why now?" I know that thought goes through my mind a lot, especially when everything seems to be falling apart. Sometimes, it's hard to remember that God put you here for a reason, He put certain people in your life for a reason, He brought you here, and he'll bring you past anything that comes up while you are here.
For me, I find myself wanting to know God's plan, all the time. When things are falling down, when I'm confused as to why someone is in my life, or on the contrary, someone has left my life. I find myself pleading to God, almost yelling to him "WHY ME?" What did I do to deserve this? Wouldn't it be great just to know God's reasons for his timing?

On the other hand, sometimes we are sitting there hitting ourselves with the "if I had only been there... if I had just waited... if I had just gone earlier.... if this, if that..." We tear ourselves apart with the 'ifs, ands, and buts' of everything. We made the decisions we have made and we have to live with the consequences, being good or bad.  Eventually you just have to sit back and realize that every decision you made got you to this point in your life, and you cannot do anything to change them now.

Now, if you're thinking I'm going to give all the secrets to knowing God's plans, think again. Sorry, even I am not cool enough to know that! But, I am here to tell you to have patience, pray for God's guidance, and trust that He has it all figured out. He has written your entire life already, He knows what you are going to decide and He will work good out of everything.
So, we may have to go through some hard times. Trials, tribulations; they are all a part of life. What can we do about it? Trust God, and keep pushing through. I challenge you to push to find the joy in life, to MAKE the joy in life, because, as they say, You Only Live Once (except for that whole eternal life in Christ thing), so make the most of it, and do not dwell on the things you have no control over. God knows what He is doing and he loves us. That, right there, should give you the joy you search for.

"Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." Luke 10:20

Living A Triple Life

It's funny, you know, how life changes, how people change. While I was home for Christmas break, I noticed a few things around my hometown that were a little different than they were last time I was there. To be honest, it was a little disconcerting. I'm not a big fan of change, but I have thrown myself into a whirlwind of it with college and all. As the years here go on, I am spending less time at home and more time away at school. Ergo, when I get home it seems that more and more things have changed; the town, the people, my family, my friends. I'm not going to lie, sometimes if feels like I am living a double life. It's a strange feeling, really. I have my life up at school, I have my life at home, you could even say, to an extent, that I have a life online. The way technology works these days, people talk to each other online all of the time, with little to no physical interaction with one another. It seems that the two worlds never collide. It's very easy to be whoever you want behind a computer screen, where no one can see your facial expression, or hear your tone of voice. The online world can start to seem so unreal, like it is only a dream. That dream may seem perfect while you are in it, but if you step back and look at it from the outside world, you see that it was only a figment of your imagination.

 One of my close friends went through a situation like this. She had met this guy online, on a Facebook singles page. His name was Patrick They began by playing a few games of scrabble with one another and chatting over that. After about a year of this, she gave him her number. The two began to talk every day, from "good morning" to "good night",and everything in between. hey even started to Skype, so they knew that neither one was pretending to be someone completely different than who they said. It seemed okay for the time being. She explained the situation to me and I was a bit iffy at first, but I had met him on Skype as well and he seemed like a decent guy. They Skyped at least 3 times a week, for hours on end. It really seemed like they had a connection, from what I could see and from what she told me. I think she fell in love with him, and I think in time he fell in love with her, too. But in time, my friend realized exactly what I mentioned before, that third world, that online world is almost a creation of your own mind. It seems great, yes, but the probability of the two of them ever meeting seemed unlikely, and the likeliness kept receding as time went on. She started to see it, but he did not. He was convinced that she was the one for her. No, he was not a stalker, or obsessed; though the thought crossed my mind a few times. He was a young man in love, but with what? That's the question. They talked every single day, morning to night, Skyped and talked on the phone for hours on end, but the two had never had any sort of physical interaction. Granted, physical appearance is not everything. That is something she stuck to for the longest time, but as time showed her that this was not how she wanted love, she started to pull back. A few weeks later, she met someone here at school that she took an interest in, and he in her. The possibility of this new relationship tore her in half for a while. After all, she thought she was in love, she had just never met him. But then this other guy came along who just seemed amazing, and he is. To be honest, and she will never tell me this, but I think she may have a place in her heart for Patrick for a while. It will pass, though, and new love will help fill that space.

Maybe she and Patrick are meant to be, maybe she and this other guy are meant to be. Truth is, nobody knows, and that is the beauty and the curse of it. We don't know who we are going to end up with, or which way our life is going to go. We do know that we should trust God completely with this ad all other matters, especially those of the heart. He knows what He is doing. I guess the point of all this was to say that sometimes it feels like I am living a triple life; I've got my hometown friends and family, my school friends, and then those that I only communicate with online. It can seem like a triple life because sometimes the three do not even touch. You can get so engulfed in one that when it is time to come out and travel to the next one, it will leave you in a daze. But, whether you feel like you have 3 different lives, or 30 different lives, you know what they all have in common? God created them all,  individually and specifically for you. Embrace them, do not fear them. God is going to guide you through with each and every one of them. Trust him, and find every joy in life that He has to offer.