So the day has come and gone. The day that everyone says you're supposed to be here. The day we've all been waiting for for nine whole months. But you and I both know better. We both know that you are pretty cozy in there and you'll come out when you are good and ready and not a moment sooner. You threw everyone for a loop when you didn't show up on the day they said you would, but what do they know! You weren't ready, and you knew that neither was I. Your father and I have been praying for you and talking about you since the day we got married. (Okay, maybe the day after). I have had these first nine months with you almost to myself and I have loved every second of it (except maybe a few of those midnight bathroom trips. Thanks, kid). The time is here for me to share you with the rest of the world.
I know that your father is so anxious to meet you. Don't worry, you'll know him, he's the one with the warm eyes, scruffy beard, and the biggest smile you'll ever see. He already loves you more than life and cannot wait to start teaching you how to throw a baseball. He will have some corny jokes but you will think they are funny for quite some time. It's a dad thing; comes with the territory.
You have a lot of admirers anxiously awaiting your arrival, as well. You have got 2 sets of grandparents, 5 uncles, 11 aunts, and 10 cousins all waiting for the big reveal (of you, as well as your name). They all love you so much already and they cannot wait to meet you. Don't worry, I've checked them all out, you're good to come out now. I know that's a lot of people but, the more people the more the love so you sure have a lot of love you'll be coming into.
You aren't even here yet and you are already the light of our world. We just hope that this being late thing isn't an indication of the years to come. You are going to love it out here, I promise. Especially this time of year. You are coming to us during our favorite time of the year, your daddy's especially, and now you have made it all the more special. Christmas will soon be your favorite as well.
Listen, I know that it is comfy in there but we have got warm blankets and loving arms to hold you in out here. We cannot wait to meet you, little one (and I wouldn't mind letting your daddy hold you for just a little bit since I took the last nine months). We love you with all of our hearts and we are so excited for you to be here. You can come out now!
Love always,
Your biggest fans,
Mommy and Daddy
Monday, December 11, 2017
These Last Days, Just the Two of Us
It's a strange feeling, really, sitting around waiting for what is supposed to be the worst pain in your life. Wincing at every sharp pain you get thinking "Is this it?" The past few months have been full of them and each time I fear for him a little, hoping that he's okay. Then there he goes, bouncing around like my insides are a carnival ride and I know that he is just fine. It's been a long nine months but, interestingly enough, some of the best I have ever had. Yes, the pains come and go and yes, he may have made me a little sick for a while there but I wouldn't change it for anything.
To be honest, I have been terrified since day one. There's a difference between talking about how many kids you want to have, what different things you will want to do with them, where you want to take them and then actually having a human being inside of you and realizing that at some point in the semi-near future they do have to come out, and then I have to still know how to keep them alive on the outside. Your body does so much for you and him, you kind of get used to it. As the date gets closer and closer (and is now past) the anxiety builds about not only having to bring him into this world but protecting him out here and doing all of the right things. The truth is, I am most likely going to mess up. That's pretty much inevitable with every new parent. Even together with my loving husband, we are still going to screw some things up. It's all a learning experience. One that I know I will be ready for the second they hand our baby boy to us, but for the time being, still freaking out over here.
For months now I have felt every single movement that he makes. It's an incredible, comforting experience and one that I am thankful my husband has been able to partially experience with me (our little guy is such a strong kicker that daddy could feel him from the outside pretty much as soon as I could from the inside). The connection has grown strong and I feel so close to my baby boy (obviously), but that still doesn't mean I feel ready to be close to him out here. It's a very scary thought. And I know that everyone wants to meet him and they are all anxious for him to come out, especially since he is late for his arrival, but I know that he will be here when he is good and ready and I don't really mind these last few extra days with him, just the two of us.
To be honest, I have been terrified since day one. There's a difference between talking about how many kids you want to have, what different things you will want to do with them, where you want to take them and then actually having a human being inside of you and realizing that at some point in the semi-near future they do have to come out, and then I have to still know how to keep them alive on the outside. Your body does so much for you and him, you kind of get used to it. As the date gets closer and closer (and is now past) the anxiety builds about not only having to bring him into this world but protecting him out here and doing all of the right things. The truth is, I am most likely going to mess up. That's pretty much inevitable with every new parent. Even together with my loving husband, we are still going to screw some things up. It's all a learning experience. One that I know I will be ready for the second they hand our baby boy to us, but for the time being, still freaking out over here.
For months now I have felt every single movement that he makes. It's an incredible, comforting experience and one that I am thankful my husband has been able to partially experience with me (our little guy is such a strong kicker that daddy could feel him from the outside pretty much as soon as I could from the inside). The connection has grown strong and I feel so close to my baby boy (obviously), but that still doesn't mean I feel ready to be close to him out here. It's a very scary thought. And I know that everyone wants to meet him and they are all anxious for him to come out, especially since he is late for his arrival, but I know that he will be here when he is good and ready and I don't really mind these last few extra days with him, just the two of us.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Lessons Learned
I wanted this piece to come before the new year, but alas, life happens and things don't always get done when you want them to, but they do get done when they need to (one of the things I have learned this year). It has been a while since I've written anything because life has been busy, especially with the holidays. But this past year I learned a lot- a lot more than I thought I would at the beginning of 2016. I wanted to share some of the things I learned because I thought that they were good lessons. So keep reading, or stop here. I don't really mind which. My brain has just been a little too cluttered lately so I need to pour some of it out.
In 2016, I learned about life.That God puts people in your life that will help guide you, and some people simply to come and to go, only to leave a lesson or two behind. We should not feel stupid for having let them in, nor should we feel hatred toward them. God put them into our lives for a reason, and we should try to find the good in that instead of dwelling on the bad situation.
I learned about death. That sometimes, it comes way too early, but even though we may not have been ready, God was ready to bring them home.
"The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart; devout men are taken away, while no one understands. For the righteous man is taken away from calamity; he enters into peace; they rest in their beds who walk in their uprightness." Isaiah 57:1-2
I learned that weddings bring out the worst in some people, and you really have to focus on the good, not dwell on the bad.
I learned that time outs are for children, not grown adults. That you do not get to put a friend in a time out until you think they have learned their lesson. Chances are that by the time you get back to let them out, they will be long gone, moving on to bigger and better things.
I learned that you can hurt people with your words, and just as easily, you yourself can be hurt by other people's words and actions. Trying not to take things so personally or seriously can help ease the burn but still, the pain sticks around for a little bit. So watch your words, and guard your heart.
"Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge." James 4:11
I learned that everyone has a story and we should really get our faces out of our phones and start making an effort to get to know each other face to face. You might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.
I learned that stubbornness can be one of the most annoying traits in someone. So I should really watch myself to make sure I am not acting that way. It can hurt others. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and admit that you did something wrong.
"But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward." Jeremiah 7:24
I learned that you should not let your pride get in the way of a relationship you have with someone, especially someone close.
"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18
I learned that doing what is best for you may not be selfish, but it may come with a cost. You have to decide if you are willing to pay it. You may think it is what is best for you, but where are you putting God in all of this? He knows what's best for you. So pray about your decision before really solidifying one.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
I learned that sometimes you have to forgive, even if there has never been and probably will never be an apology. Forgiveness will free your mind and heart from the bitterness and hatred toward the other person. We are called by God to forgive immediately. But that does not mean that you forget right away. You are not expected to allow them to continue hurting you. Taking the time to heal from the wounds is just as important as forgiving them immediately.
"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." Mark 11:25
So here is to a new year. To more forgiveness. To more life. To hopefully less death. To whatever God puts in our path-- because He will bring us through it.
2017, we are ready to find the joy in you.
In 2016, I learned about life.That God puts people in your life that will help guide you, and some people simply to come and to go, only to leave a lesson or two behind. We should not feel stupid for having let them in, nor should we feel hatred toward them. God put them into our lives for a reason, and we should try to find the good in that instead of dwelling on the bad situation.
I learned about death. That sometimes, it comes way too early, but even though we may not have been ready, God was ready to bring them home.
"The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart; devout men are taken away, while no one understands. For the righteous man is taken away from calamity; he enters into peace; they rest in their beds who walk in their uprightness." Isaiah 57:1-2
I learned that weddings bring out the worst in some people, and you really have to focus on the good, not dwell on the bad.
I learned that time outs are for children, not grown adults. That you do not get to put a friend in a time out until you think they have learned their lesson. Chances are that by the time you get back to let them out, they will be long gone, moving on to bigger and better things.
I learned that you can hurt people with your words, and just as easily, you yourself can be hurt by other people's words and actions. Trying not to take things so personally or seriously can help ease the burn but still, the pain sticks around for a little bit. So watch your words, and guard your heart.
"Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge." James 4:11
I learned that everyone has a story and we should really get our faces out of our phones and start making an effort to get to know each other face to face. You might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.
I learned that stubbornness can be one of the most annoying traits in someone. So I should really watch myself to make sure I am not acting that way. It can hurt others. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and admit that you did something wrong.
"But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward." Jeremiah 7:24
I learned that you should not let your pride get in the way of a relationship you have with someone, especially someone close.
"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18
I learned that doing what is best for you may not be selfish, but it may come with a cost. You have to decide if you are willing to pay it. You may think it is what is best for you, but where are you putting God in all of this? He knows what's best for you. So pray about your decision before really solidifying one.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
I learned that sometimes you have to forgive, even if there has never been and probably will never be an apology. Forgiveness will free your mind and heart from the bitterness and hatred toward the other person. We are called by God to forgive immediately. But that does not mean that you forget right away. You are not expected to allow them to continue hurting you. Taking the time to heal from the wounds is just as important as forgiving them immediately.
"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." Mark 11:25
So here is to a new year. To more forgiveness. To more life. To hopefully less death. To whatever God puts in our path-- because He will bring us through it.
2017, we are ready to find the joy in you.
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