Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Peace With The Pieces

I finally started my internship yesterday with a crisis pregnancy center here in St. Louis. I already love it! And today we started the day with a devotion and prayer. I mean, who could ask for more?! It was fantastic! The devotion completely hit home, too. And, of course, instantly my mind started writing. And it wrote the entire 4 hours of work. So bear with me as I try to piece together everything I thought up today and tell you about the devotion and my fabulous day that ensued from it.

So, the devotion was about being at peace with where God has put you, not anxious to go backward of forward in time. "I rest in the fact that you have me in this place for this day." God has put us exactly where we are supposed to be. No matter the circumstances of how we got here or why we are here. "You knew my mistakes before I ever existed and you worked them into your plan." How awesome and almost unfathomable is that thought? God knew every single tiny little aspect of our life before we were even created, before we were even thought about in the minds of our families. God planned everything in our lives before we even had a chance to get to it. And that is at least six billion people that he did this for! It spoke about how all of the terrible things that happened to Joseph; being sold into slavery, exiled to a different country, and eventually sent to prison; were all meant for good and that he was always in the right place at the right time according to God's plan.
"Thank you that I can trust you with my future plans- ready to stay, ready to go." It really got me to thinking about how awesome it s that God is so incredibly powerful and amazing and has already planned out our entire lives, he knows what decisions we are going to make before we even have the decision in front of us. I also thought about how we should be ready, then, to go where God leads us, or stay where he puts us. He has a reason for everything that He does.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act." Psalm 37:5

 Also, how amazing it is that we have a final place with God in heaven, and we will dwell in his house forever! And even before eternity we have a place with Him because He is Omnipresent and we can always find comfort in Him.

"Where I can enter and be at rest even when all around and above is a sea of trouble." Andrew Murray

"You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance." Psalm 32:7

This all really hit home with me because I have been struggling with trusting that this is where I am supposed to be in life. Some days I feel like I should have just stayed home in Texas with my family for the summer. I felt like I did not make the right decision leaving them for the summer and I started to feel like everything was falling apart here in St. Louis. At first it had looked like everything was set in place, piece by piece God built my path here and I knew I was supposed to be here, but within a week things start to fall apart and I did not want to tell anyone because I didn't want to disappoint everyone. Boy, was the devil doing a number on me! They all seemed so proud of what I was doing. I didn't want to tell them that I wanted to cry myself to sleep every night, crying out to God "WHY?" And still, I feel like if I don't love this internship, they are going to be even more disappointed that I left them all this summer. But, I've prayed about it and I feel like this is where I am supposed to be. And after the last 2 days, and that devotion this morning, I am even more certain of the fact that I am here for a purpose, even if I don't see it yet. Sometimes when it looks like there are just a bunch of pieces around, you have to look a little harder to see that they actually fit together and make a pretty awesome picture! God is absolutely amazing, and I am finding that out more and more as I see him at work in our organization and so many others around the world. I definitely made a significant step in finding the joy in life today. I pray that you do as well. How could we not be joyful with an awesome God like we have? God bless!

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways." Romans 11:33

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

When All Hope Seems Lost

"And oh, oh- Well you know how it feels if you begin hoping for something that you want desperately badly; you almost fight against the hope because it is too good to be true- you've been disappointed so often before. That was how Digory felt. But it was no use trying to throttle this hope. It might- really, really, it just might be true. So many odd things had happened already." - C.S. Lewis, The Magicians Nephew

Have you ever hoped for something but mostly kept it to yourself because you know that if you push it too much or tell someone else then something will probably go wrong and it will all fall apart and you will then have to explain the situation to everyone who knows, making the possible pain worse than it was just being disappointed on your own?
Maybe it was a relationship with someone where both parties had admitted to liking the other and you had been talking for a while and you started to see something actually happening so you started to tell a few people,  but then something got in the way or the other person started to become fickle and then BOOM suddenly you are not so sure of everything, and the questions start flowing in; from other people and from yourself.

'Was this even worth it?' 'Did I waste my time?' 'Why did I hope so much for this in the first place?' 'Is there actually anyone out there for me or are all guys (or girls) like this?'

Or maybe it was a job, or an internship, or some kind of summer position that you really wanted and you felt like you were perfect for it. You had hoped for so long and prayed that God would put you in this position because you knew that you were just the right person for the job but then, you get your rejection letter. And of course the questions line up because everyone knew how much you wanted it and they ask out of courtesy but it actually seems more like a dagger to your gut to be reminded of something you thought you were a shoe in for that you didn't get.

As Lewis says, we start to fight against the hope.There will be disappointment in this life; there will be heartache that we cannot fix as easily as we want to and we will want to refuse to hope for anything anymore. It just does not seem to make sense to become so emotionally invested in something that could potentially crash and burn in front of you, (excuse the slight exaggeration to make a point). But there is no use trying to stop yourself from hoping; you're going to do it regardless, even if it results in disappointment after disappointment.

"When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start to go right they often go on getting better and better." - C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

And it seems to make it ten times worse when we tell someone else about it because we have to explain the disappointment, almost relive it because someone else knows and they are bound to ask eventually. But you know there is someone we can tell; heck, he already knows, and he also knows what is going to happen, whether it be disappointment or satisfaction. Just because something does not work out does not that we should be angry with God, or not hope in Him or anything else ever again. We have every reason in the world to hope because God sent His son to die on the cross for our sins. So, opportunities will come and go, but we should never lose hope because God loves us and has great plans for each and every one of us. If you feel like telling someone, tell God; pray about it, and trust and have hope in Him. Nothing could put more joy in your life then trusting and hoping in God and the plans He has for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you."
Jeremiah 29:11-12