Monday, May 5, 2014

I'll Always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby

"... Cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix... Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix, but that is what the rain boots are for because rain will wash away everything, if you let it."
- Sarah Kay

So bring on the rain. I feel like it is already pouring anyway. It is only Monday and this week is already awful. And I am writing this post instead of preparing for my big presentation tomorrow because, you know what, writing is my stress relief, so we will see what comes of it.
The quote from above is from one of my favorite spoken word poets, Sarah Kay. When I was in my senior year of high school, my amazing English teacher showed us this video where Sarah talks about what she would do if she were to have a daughter. I pretty much fell in love with spoken word from that point on, even though I cannot really write it very well and I am probably way too self-conscious to ever speak it out loud. (Although, I am working up something which may come eventually) It is really hard to pick a favorite line from her poems but this one is pretty high up there. The insight that her words bring is incredible, almost empowering.

Now, the way I see this is that heartbreak may not just be ending a romantic relationship. Heartbreak can be losing a friend, old or new; losing something important to you; or, in my case, having to leave your friends. As of today, May 5th, I officially have 12 days left up here in Wisconsin. The sad part is, I can't even say it is because I am graduating and going on to the real world with a job and a future planned out (even though I know many seniors graduating who do not have any of that either). Don't get me wrong, though, I am very excited for the next adventure that God is sending me on, but leaving these people is almost worse than it was when I left my hometown. We aren't all going our separate ways yet. I'm going my own way, and no one is following suit like they should be, right? I'm leaving them all here and it feels wrong. It is hard to leave and think that I will never see some of these people, in person, again. I am scared; afraid of the unknown that I am walking into; afraid of losing these friends like I have lost some when I left home. This is a heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. But when the rain comes through, I want to be able to save the things that are important. But the storm is approaching and I am not strong enough, not prepared enough, to save all that I want. The flood is coming through and I am going to lose a thing or 2, or 20...
Sounds pathetic, doesn't it? Why am I so concerned with this? It is an earthly thing and of course I will see these friends again, in paradise. So why does this all seem so important at the moment? Because I'm a moody, fickle girl? Yes, that may have something to do with it. Another part could be that I have completely forgotten to put my trust in God. I've been "too busy", "too stressed". Is that not the perfect time to call out to God? It is easy for us to forget, but God is ALWAYS there, listening, and helping even when we think He has abandoned us or forgotten us; He has not. So for all of you with doubts, afraid to admit that you are scared, or too busy to stop and ask God for help or just pray for peace, know that you are in my prayers, and in the prayers of those who love you. Know that God is there, always, and He is listening, even if you do not think you are talking. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Find the joy in that, and go through this week with a brighter, better view of the future.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

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