Guess what's back, Lent Is Back

Today is the first day of lent. It is a time for prayer and fasting and a time for Christians to repent of their sins and learn again to trust in their savior, Jesus Christ. It is a time to focus more on one thing, Jesus Christ and what He has done for us, and therefore less on other things that may be distracting us from remembering all that Christ has done for us. Though, a lot of people seem to take lent as a way to "show off" almost. They seem to use it to tell other people that they are christian and maybe even "more christian" than other people because they are giving up something "so big".

"And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others." Matthew 6:5

I know that question becomes a big part of conversations around this time because of everyone's curiosity. "What are you giving up for lent?" To be completely honest, it is no one's business but God's what you are giving up. It is not some show to impress people.

I am a little ashamed and a bit embarrassed to admit that last year I gave up a friendship for lent. One that, I thought, was not very good for me and I thought that lent was a good time of reflection and focusing on Christ and his sacrifice and God's mercy and less on the turmoil and stress of this sinful world. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing, but it turns out that maybe there were more selfish reasons behind that than I thought. But putting someone through that is terrible and will also make that person a lot less likely to focus more on Christ themselves. This is a time to have more opportunities to receive the gifts from God won by Christ's death and resurrection. It is a time to focus more on showing God's mercy and love to others, even though we should do that every day. That was not an excuse to cut someone out of my life and say I was doing it to "focus more on Christ" but I used it for that. I admit that I did that for selfish reasons and I will regret it for a very long time. The good news is that I know God has forgiven me and I thank him every day that we are saved by grace and not by works.

My point is, we tend to use lent as a time for personal gain in some way and it seems to be a little more "me" focused than God focused. Giving some certain food up for a diet and just using lent as a cover for it to make people see it as a more "Godly" thing. I pray that everyone, including myself, will use lent as a time to focus more on Christ and His sacrifice as we prepare to celebrate his resurrection.

So as far as what I am giving up for lent, that is between God and me, and no one else needs to care.

No Matter the Wreckage

Life happens. Sometimes we get so caught up by the craziness of life that we don't stop when stressful things happen. Maybe we find out some bad news about a dear friend, or something doesn't necessarily go the way we want it to. But instead of getting down, or even having the time to get down, we just push through, just keep going and don't even take the time to correctly grieve about some kind of bad thing that happened. Now how healthy can that possibly be? Not very. God may put these trials in our lives but He wants us to trust Him, completely, without question, that He is going to bring us through it. I know that for me, personally, that is extremely difficult. And I know that it should be really easy because God is absolutely amazing and has given me wonderful things in my life and always takes care of me even when I do not necessarily see it at first. So why isn't it simple to just drop all worries and cares and trust that God has got us in His hands? Because let me tell you, He does, and He is not gonna drop any of us. So don't be a crazy person and jump ship. He cares for all of us and He wants all of us to spend eternity with Him in heaven, but there are those who reject Christ and what He has done for us. I'm telling you, stay on the ship and trust that God is going to hold you up, no matter what comes your way.

No matter the wreckage.

I know it is easy to think “why would God even care, I am just one of the 6 billion people on this planet.” “There are people with far worse problems than me, God is surely helping them and I am not even a blimp on His radar.” Yeah, His radar is pretty massive, and we are all blimps. He cares for us all. He's there when we are sad, when we are angry, when we are grieving, when we are happy, and when we just do not even know what to feel or what to do. It may not always feel like it, but He is always there with us, every step of the way. When Life seems to be getting you down, seems to not be going your way, or just seems absolutely crazy, He's walking right beside you. He took all of your sin on the cross and suffered so that we could be free from it. And then He did the impossible and rose from the dead, defeating death and the grave. So, this worry you are going through right now, be it big or small, I am positive He can handle that too. 

No matter the wreckage.

Don't just trust me on that, trust Him. Even if it is only in the long run sometimes, you will not be disappointed. He has got a plan for your life and you just gotta ride the waves to the shore line. It may get a little choppy at times but He is right by your side, holding your hand every step of the way. I know what it feels like to think that God has completely left you in the dust, that you are on your own and your life seems to have no purpose but believe me, it does. Everyone is here because God has a specific role for you. You may think it small but it is the greatest thing to God. Change one life and you could change millions. Every life you touch makes a difference, whether you actively see it or not. It could be that random person you talked to on the airplane, or the person in front of you in line at the grocery store. It could be a sister, a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone you love, or did love at a time. I believe that God puts people in your life for a reason. Either you are going to make a difference in that person's life, or vise versa. But I can tell you that someone's perspective on life is going to be changed. Find joy in knowing that, no matter the wreckage you may feel is there, even if you feel like everything is going wrong and things do not seem like they are going to turn around at all, God has you in his hands. He's got the whole world in His hands! Do yourself a favor, trust Him and stay on this ship we call life. We have got a pretty phenomenal captain!

Note: "No Matter the Wreckage" is a book of poems by Sarah Kay. If you ever have the chance to pick it up, it is a great read!

The Optimistic Pessimist

Writer's note:I know it has been a while since I have written. If you are a veteran reader then first of all I am glad you are still reading, but also, you know how my posts go, so nothing new there. If you are new then, welcome, make yourself comfortable and beware that my writing can be a tad scatter brained at times, but it has a point, I promise. You just have to get to the end! Enjoy--

I have recently started a job with a florist, and therefore obviously work with a lot of flowers, particularly roses on certain days. And as some of us know, my brain likes to analyze and compare things a lot. After being stabbed with one or two thorns I came up with this sort of irony, I guess you could call it, with one of my favorite Disney stories “Beauty and the Beast”. The beast has a mask of harshness and gives off fear simply by his looks, but as Belle finds out, if you take the time to get past all of that and get to know the actual person underneath, they usually turn out to be a caring, loving person. Showing that you can't judge a book by it's cover. That saying always seems to be used in negative to positive situations- i.e. You can't judge something because it looks scary, typically it is actually not scary at all once you get past the surface. But with roses, it is almost the exact opposite. It is something that, from the outside, looks pure and beautiful, it is given to show affection, it is given to show care and love. Now typically roses from a store are prepared for someone to touch, but if you were to just grab one from a pile or growing somewhere you would find that its welcoming nature, its beauty, is a bit deceiving because the moment you reach for it, you will get stuck with a thorn. They come in the most unexpected places. Point being, a lot of things are like roses in that they could look great from the outside but you may want to be cautious when approaching them because, again, you can't judge a book by its cover. What I find ironic is how the rose is used as the timer for the beast. This beautiful object that looks so welcoming, even Belle gets very close to touching it, is the thing that, once all the petals fall, will bring about the beast's demise and he will be stuck in his state of deception just as the rose is. Things are deceiving, the devil loves to play tricks on us and see us get hurt, and see us hurt other people. You can never be too careful.

I had a conversation similar to this topic with a good friend a couple of weeks ago. I argued that things that seem really cool and great, tend to have at least one thing about them that disappoint you. Now, I was being, as my friend said, “fatalistic and pessimistic” and they are probably right. But it has been my experience in the past few years that anything that seems pretty fantastic or just really cool, will in some way let you down, and you may be able to look past it and move past that problem to continue liking said thing, but the point still stands. One thing, though, that IS super cool and fantastic is God and his love and sacrifice for us. THAT will never disappoint. So if you happen to be going through a slump like I am and you just feel like everything is going down hill, nothing is going right, and everything seems to be disappointing you left and right, just remember that God loves us so much that He sent his only son to give his life for us because of our sins so that we will be saved from eternal damnation and will get to live forever with Him in eternity. I hope that with that you will find the joy God has in store for you in life. And for that matter, I hope I do, too.

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126: 5-6

Peace With The Pieces

I finally started my internship yesterday with a crisis pregnancy center here in St. Louis. I already love it! And today we started the day with a devotion and prayer. I mean, who could ask for more?! It was fantastic! The devotion completely hit home, too. And, of course, instantly my mind started writing. And it wrote the entire 4 hours of work. So bear with me as I try to piece together everything I thought up today and tell you about the devotion and my fabulous day that ensued from it.

So, the devotion was about being at peace with where God has put you, not anxious to go backward of forward in time. "I rest in the fact that you have me in this place for this day." God has put us exactly where we are supposed to be. No matter the circumstances of how we got here or why we are here. "You knew my mistakes before I ever existed and you worked them into your plan." How awesome and almost unfathomable is that thought? God knew every single tiny little aspect of our life before we were even created, before we were even thought about in the minds of our families. God planned everything in our lives before we even had a chance to get to it. And that is at least six billion people that he did this for! It spoke about how all of the terrible things that happened to Joseph; being sold into slavery, exiled to a different country, and eventually sent to prison; were all meant for good and that he was always in the right place at the right time according to God's plan.
"Thank you that I can trust you with my future plans- ready to stay, ready to go." It really got me to thinking about how awesome it s that God is so incredibly powerful and amazing and has already planned out our entire lives, he knows what decisions we are going to make before we even have the decision in front of us. I also thought about how we should be ready, then, to go where God leads us, or stay where he puts us. He has a reason for everything that He does.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act." Psalm 37:5

 Also, how amazing it is that we have a final place with God in heaven, and we will dwell in his house forever! And even before eternity we have a place with Him because He is Omnipresent and we can always find comfort in Him.

"Where I can enter and be at rest even when all around and above is a sea of trouble." Andrew Murray

"You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance." Psalm 32:7

This all really hit home with me because I have been struggling with trusting that this is where I am supposed to be in life. Some days I feel like I should have just stayed home in Texas with my family for the summer. I felt like I did not make the right decision leaving them for the summer and I started to feel like everything was falling apart here in St. Louis. At first it had looked like everything was set in place, piece by piece God built my path here and I knew I was supposed to be here, but within a week things start to fall apart and I did not want to tell anyone because I didn't want to disappoint everyone. Boy, was the devil doing a number on me! They all seemed so proud of what I was doing. I didn't want to tell them that I wanted to cry myself to sleep every night, crying out to God "WHY?" And still, I feel like if I don't love this internship, they are going to be even more disappointed that I left them all this summer. But, I've prayed about it and I feel like this is where I am supposed to be. And after the last 2 days, and that devotion this morning, I am even more certain of the fact that I am here for a purpose, even if I don't see it yet. Sometimes when it looks like there are just a bunch of pieces around, you have to look a little harder to see that they actually fit together and make a pretty awesome picture! God is absolutely amazing, and I am finding that out more and more as I see him at work in our organization and so many others around the world. I definitely made a significant step in finding the joy in life today. I pray that you do as well. How could we not be joyful with an awesome God like we have? God bless!

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways." Romans 11:33

When All Hope Seems Lost

"And oh, oh- Well you know how it feels if you begin hoping for something that you want desperately badly; you almost fight against the hope because it is too good to be true- you've been disappointed so often before. That was how Digory felt. But it was no use trying to throttle this hope. It might- really, really, it just might be true. So many odd things had happened already." - C.S. Lewis, The Magicians Nephew

Have you ever hoped for something but mostly kept it to yourself because you know that if you push it too much or tell someone else then something will probably go wrong and it will all fall apart and you will then have to explain the situation to everyone who knows, making the possible pain worse than it was just being disappointed on your own?
Maybe it was a relationship with someone where both parties had admitted to liking the other and you had been talking for a while and you started to see something actually happening so you started to tell a few people,  but then something got in the way or the other person started to become fickle and then BOOM suddenly you are not so sure of everything, and the questions start flowing in; from other people and from yourself.

'Was this even worth it?' 'Did I waste my time?' 'Why did I hope so much for this in the first place?' 'Is there actually anyone out there for me or are all guys (or girls) like this?'

Or maybe it was a job, or an internship, or some kind of summer position that you really wanted and you felt like you were perfect for it. You had hoped for so long and prayed that God would put you in this position because you knew that you were just the right person for the job but then, you get your rejection letter. And of course the questions line up because everyone knew how much you wanted it and they ask out of courtesy but it actually seems more like a dagger to your gut to be reminded of something you thought you were a shoe in for that you didn't get.

As Lewis says, we start to fight against the hope.There will be disappointment in this life; there will be heartache that we cannot fix as easily as we want to and we will want to refuse to hope for anything anymore. It just does not seem to make sense to become so emotionally invested in something that could potentially crash and burn in front of you, (excuse the slight exaggeration to make a point). But there is no use trying to stop yourself from hoping; you're going to do it regardless, even if it results in disappointment after disappointment.

"When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start to go right they often go on getting better and better." - C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

And it seems to make it ten times worse when we tell someone else about it because we have to explain the disappointment, almost relive it because someone else knows and they are bound to ask eventually. But you know there is someone we can tell; heck, he already knows, and he also knows what is going to happen, whether it be disappointment or satisfaction. Just because something does not work out does not that we should be angry with God, or not hope in Him or anything else ever again. We have every reason in the world to hope because God sent His son to die on the cross for our sins. So, opportunities will come and go, but we should never lose hope because God loves us and has great plans for each and every one of us. If you feel like telling someone, tell God; pray about it, and trust and have hope in Him. Nothing could put more joy in your life then trusting and hoping in God and the plans He has for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you."
Jeremiah 29:11-12